|:10:| I Said I was Effing Sorry || (UNEDITED DRAFT)
I failed to suppress the flippant illogical buoyancy that filled my chest when I saw Justice at the bar. I was at a table with my girls. Stephanie was celebrating six months celibate. Might not sound like a long time for some, but it was massive for her. I smiled. It was the small things in life.
“I’ll get another round.” I slipped out the booth before anyone could object. I swallowed but kept my attention focused on his back. I wasn’t going to back off, chicken out. I winced when I saw he bought two drinks one a martini. No doubt for a woman. I cleared my throat. “Hi, Justice.”
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and grumbled. “Jackie.”
There was an awkward silence. “I don’t know what to say about the last night we saw each other.”
He kept his attention on the bottles behind the bar. “I got all your voicemails. Nothing to say really.”
“I hope I didn’t leave you with blue balls.” I let out an awkward laugh.
He finally looked at me. “Oh, don’t worry about little ole me,” he smiled, mostly in his beautiful grey eyes. “I made angry, passionate love to my fist, got all that shit out. Really put things in perspective.”
“No, it’s good to know my place. Good to know what I mean to you. A nice refresher on who I am. You know,” His voice went up and octave. “I almost felt like a fucking gigolo, but then I realized that at least those poor bastards were getting paid.”
That cruddy feeling made me shift. “Don't be like this.”
“I’m not being like anything. This is me, Justice Malbec. Fucking for free and loving every minute of it.” He paid the bartender, and grabbed his drinks. “Have a good fucking life, Jackie.”
I grabbed his arm feeling desperate. “Is it so hard for you to believe that maybe I was confused about this whole goddamn thing?”
He exhaled. “No, it’s me that’s confused or maybe I’ve just fucked so many chicks, I don’t know shit about what it feels like to actually genuinely want something more.” He yanked his arm out my gasp. “If you don’t mind, I’ve got panties waiting for me.” The loss of his presence, the feel of his skin under my fingers, the very real reality that maybe it was over, over. What I’d done was too much.
I bought the shots and tried to be fun with my friends, but my eyes kept darting to Justice in a booth with a woman. It wasn’t the same woman that I saw him with the day Troy called me a whore. I wondered what happened to her. No! I didn’t care.
We danced and then I was on my way home. My friends didn’t try to convince me to stay. I’m sure I was killing the fucking vibe anyway. I drove, but not home where I thought I was going to go.
I pulled up the steep driveway to Justice’s hillside home.
I found the spare key under a pot outside the house. That was so lame. Everyone put their key there. I let myself in and searched for candles, found them set them up on a table and snatched a rose from a vase on the island.
I peed and stripped leaving my clothes on a nice folded pile on the arm of the couch and took a seat in one of his dining room chairs.
I hadn’t really thought this through like I should have. I got out the chair and got some water. What if he brought that woman back to his place. How fucking awkward would that be. Knowing him he’d try to turn it into a threesome. I leaned on the counter with my water. He might even just kick me out mostly to get back at me. I’d probably deserve it.
My chest constricted when a thought hit me. I hurt him. I hurt Justice when I sent him away. Rejection was one thing, I was sure he’d been turned down before. He didn’t seem to allow much bother him, but I truly hurt him. I saw it in his eyes at the bar.
I cleaned my glass and ventured back to the chair. If I hurt him maybe that meant he felt something like I did. Was it enough though? Was it enough for him to commit to me though? I was shit at relationships which was why I didn’t really have many. They weren’t logical. They didn’t follow a formula with measurable outcomes.
I checked my watch. Gah! How long was he going to stay out?
I pulled out my phone after I couldn’t stand the mindless waiting. I pulled up an ebook on viral ingenuity and started reading.
I started awake.
I grumbled and froze when I realized I was not at the table anymore. I felt the familiar silky sheets of Justice’s king bed. I set up and brushed my massive curls out my face. I noticed my clothes still neatly folded, but at the foot of the bed. I got out the bed and wrapped the sheet around my body. The television was on in the living room.
I frowned when the couch was empty.
The sun was just coming up over the horizon washing the place in faded blue light.
“Must have had a hell of a night to make you go to the wrong house. You know I do have electricity.” He gestured to the table and all the burned out candles with two glasses of water in hand.
I scratched my head and looked to my feet. “Apparently I’m crap at surprises.”
“No, I was quite surprised when I came home to your car in my driveway.”
“I hope I didn’t scare off your lady friend.”
“Oh, she would have been pissed had she been with me.”
I couldn’t deny the happiness in my chest. “A quickie back at her place?”
He handed the water to me. “Why the hell are you here, Jackie?”
“Well, I was trying to show you that whatever you thought that I thought about you was wrong. That I--” I frowned. What the hell was I trying to say? “I just--” I growled and started back to the bedroom for my clothes.
This was stupid! I couldn’t formulate words that made sense in my head. I knew they wouldn’t make sense coming out my mouth and my mouth had a tendency to just interject it’s own two cents. “Never mind. Sorry I--”
I gasped, when he pinned me to the hallway wall with his body weight and pulled my arms above my head. A familiar, delicious heat disturbed my muddy mind. His mouth was a breath away from mine, his leg parted my thighs.
“What’s the fun in having sex if there’s no seduction?”
The corner of my lips turned up. “Let me go and I’ll show you.”
He matched my smirk. “I found time with you to be more stimulating that initially projected.” The words struggled out as he let his hands trace my arms. I kept my arms pinned to the wall. His hands formed to the sides of my chest, down to my waist and hips. I moaned and arched toward him.
“I understand.” I flexed my thigh where, indeed, his hardon was pressing against my leg. Even through his white jeans the strain was unmistakable.
“Then you know how much I want you, but first--” His hand glided down my stomach and into my panties.
“Justice.” I took a deep breath. “We don’t have to fuck.”
“But I want to.” He moaned.
That moaning shit was sexy as hell.
He smiled when he felt my pussy.
“I love your little pussy. I was pleasantly surprised the first time we fucked that you waxed. Being a virgin, I thought you'd be hairy down there.”
“I’ve waxed for a while. Hygiene and odor control.”
He laughed. “Of course there’s some logical ass reason.
“Oh, shit.” I followed that up with a sensual moan and breathy pants when his pointer and middle fingers slid on either side of my clit. He massaged me with those fingers, my steady moaning, growls made him smile.
I left one arm to rest around his shoulders, the other ventured down his body and landed on his erection. I rubbed him through the pants. My head fell to the side my eyes were closed. I rotated my hips with the pattern of his fingers’ play.
My eyebrows furrowed and I whimpered. My swollen clit between his fingers told me I was about to blow. “Oh god, oh shit, oh fu--” My voice trailed off and was replaced with silence. A shiver wracked through me and my privates throbbed my completion into his hands.
He stilled my hand on his pants, took it in his own, and walked me to the couch. We laid on the couch and he changed the channel. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest.
I glanced at him over my shoulder. “I thought you wanted me.” I flexed my hips as emphasis. His cock was still hard, pushing against those damn jeans.
“I know.” I looked up to meet his eyes then hooked my leg around his allowing my pussy to plant against his penis through the jeans.
He stifled a moan and said through clenched teeth. “I have to get you back for the other night. Justice must be served.”
“Mmmm.” I moaned, pulling his ear lobe between my teeth. I arched my body to his rolling my hips pressing my breasts into him. I knew he could feel me through his clothes. His breathing changed but he kept still. I pulled away enough to meet his deep grey eyes dark and churned with desire, with need, with want. “But who’s really suffering, now? Me? Or you?”
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